Hard to believe we’re rounding the corner and nearing the end of July. It’s been a busy summer for me, as I’m sure it has been for you too.

I’m paying particular attention these days to life transitions and their impact. My firstborn is just weeks from heading off to college. We’re incredibly excited for her but I have to say, the thought of her heading out into the world also makes me sad. It’s a big transition for her, for sure, but I think it’s an equally big change for me.

Transition navigation is tricky; not many of us are taught how to move through the challenging emotions that these types of changes bring up. Fear, uncertainty, worry, a sense of loss all can crop up from time to time, whether we’re sending a child off to college, changing careers, or starting our own business. So we sort of stumble through the experience, hoping that we’ll find our footing along a rocky path.

One of the biggest challenges for people undergoing change is understanding that emotions are liminal. Like the tides that ebb and flow, the emotions that accompany significant life events tend to rise and fall, appear and disappear. In my situation, I vacillate between brilliant excitement for my daughter’s big adventure in a new city and a deep sense that things will never be exactly as they are right now.

And that’s okay.

It’s okay for me to swing between those extremes. I’m keenly aware that by acknowledging exactly what I’m feeling (melancholy, anticipation, tension, etc.), the feeling I’m experiencing is free to expand my awareness. It’s a natural part of the human journey and the more willingly I accept it and acknowledge it, the more quickly the feeling moves on. Or, if it’s something that motivates me to change, the more easily I can take the next step.

I’d like you to consider whether you’re resisting something that you’re feeling deeply. (And it doesn’t need to be a negative feeling either.) Maybe it’s angst? Excitement? Frustration? A call to an adventure? Thoughts about a career change? Ask yourself what message is behind the emotion. What, if anything, are you resisting? And what might happen if you simply let that emotion move into your awareness, acknowledge it and then release it?  Or if it feels inspiring, might you take the next step toward something you really want to see happen.

Maybe you’d ask for the promotion? Or revisit the book you’re writing? Maybe you’d pick up that camera again and start taking more photos? Remember, the feeling has a message for you. You are worth the time it will take to figure out what that message is.

I've been kicking around a theory lately and thought it might be interesting to bring the topic back to you and, if you feel so moved, to hear your thoughts on the subject.

Here's the theory: We've all heard about the idea of creating a "Dream Team," a panel of experts or an advisory board that helps guide you. Sometimes it's for an organization; other times, for individuals. I've read about executives that employ this strategy and of course, many magazines have editorial advisory boards.

The question that lingers along the spine of this topic is how one goes about assembling such a group. Embracing a business group is one thing but what if you're searching for a "Dream Team" just for yourself? Who do you invite? What qualities are important to consider if this type of support appeals to you?

I think the characteristics-when optimized-are a bit more complex than simply gathering a group of like-minded individuals. In fact, I think "like-minded individuals" are exactly the wrong group to round up. The best-case scenario, I believe, is to gather people that would likely trigger one another-sometimes quite negatively-if you had them in a room together.

And even before the act of assembling one's Dream Team, there's actually a bit to be learned by investigating this idea. If I asked you what people-living or dead-would you want on your Dream Team, whom would you include? After you've named names, I'd ask you just one question:

Q: Why? Why would you want (for the sake of example here we'll plug in a name most people know) the actor Jim Carrey?

In response, you might say, "Because he's hilarious. But I know his humor comes from a lot of pain in his childhood. His mother was very ill when he was a kid and he really started this whole comedic thing then--to cheer her up. I'm fascinated and curious about that aspect of him."

Okay, so what does your answer tell me? It tells me that you find humor-even in dire circumstances-really important. (Check). It also tells me that you probably utilize humor and lightness in your own stressful circumstances when you can. (Check).

In translation, whoever ends up on your "Dream Team" will reflect your own core values without you actually trying to name or explain those values.

I'd like to invite you to experiment with this theory. If you could assemble a Dream Team, who might be on it? Why? Start with six people-either living or passed on-and begin to answer the question "Why?" with each one. And those people needn't be celebrities or well-known people. Perhaps one is a teacher or professor you had at some point, while another is a relative or clergy member. Those people could be just about anyone that deeply resonated with you.

I'd raise the bar another notch too and challenge you to assemble people that wouldn't see eye-to-eye on many issues. Imagine the dynamic tension of this group? Imagine what they would challenge one another on? But remember, you're the core element here. You're the center of the wheel; you are the hub. It's your team. There is something in you that is drawn to each of these people.

And if you're super motivated (and the people are available) actually recruit some Team Members for a get together. (Call them a posse if you like; whatever lingo works for you.) Invite them to coffee or create your own salon of dynamic thinkers. Arrange a meet up. Punt a topic or challenge them as a group to help you with something you're working on. In this space, your own mental boundaries are stretched and reworked.

And it's also the space where the creative magic happens.

We all do this--an ongoing inventory of need. The toxic mix that says whatever we currently have just isn't enough. We need more.

More money. More time. More love. More travel. It's a story of lack that's often acceptably dressed as "drive" or "ambition," but I have a hunch that the root thought is fear.

We are all in a continuous state of choice, not victimhood. It is easy to forget we do have choices in nearly everything we do, or don't do.

Some typical thoughts:

"I need more money." Really? How responsible are you with what you already have? Can you do better in budgeting? Where can you improve? Can you take a side job to increase your income?

"I don't have enough time." You have as much time in a day as everyone else is gifted. How wisely are you using the time you have? Where can you schedule more efficiently? What are you wasting time doing?

"Everyone goes to nice places on vacation. I never go anywhere." How have the decisions you've made throughout the year either set you up to do what you want to do (i.e. go on a nice vacation), or removed that option from your list? Again. You've made some choices. Own them. If unforeseen circumstances meant you were forced to change plans, you can be disappointed, but you weren't victimized.

The "more" list is an endless road that leads directly to the highway of similar thoughts. It's an on-ramp in your thinking for more of the same. More stories of lack and need.

I want you to inspect your "more" list closely and honestly. What do you really need more of? How have you worked with what you do have? Where can you improve? This is not about shame or guilt; this is about honest assessment and clear thinking and taking responsibility. It's about calling BS on the BS story you've been telling.

It's about conscious choosing.

News! If you happen to live in the State College area, I hope you'll consider stopping by the D Stress Station (www.thedestressstation.com) in Boalsburg on Monday, March 11, 2013 at 7 p.m. So many people ask me how life coaching works, so this group session is designed for anyone interested in a live sample. Cost is $25 per person, payable at the door. We'll provide light refreshments; you bring your curiosity!

And...It's not too late to reserve your spot at my upcoming May 10-12 workshop! I've added more info at my site--as well as some frequently asked questions--to help fill in the blanks. Visit www.erikaisler.com and click the "more" tab at the top. This workshop might be a perfect gift for that "mom" in your life--an experience she will never forget.  

Happy New Year friends!

With all the talk about resolutions and change, I wanted to take a few minutes to touch base with you. Our cerebral selves complicate change immensely, but I think in the final analysis, the process contains just three components:

A thought: Without this, there is nothing. Things are simply what they are with no quality or judgment. Getting underneath and really examining what you're thinking is powerful. Sometimes it's painful too. But it's okay. A thought by itself is nothing-it has no mass or power. The only charge a thought has is the meaning we ascribe to it.

"Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in." ~Alan Alda

From a thought, we take action. For example, a thought like, "I can't take this job anymore," either drives a person to make a change-as in, find a new job-or simply becomes a woeful mantra played over and over again.

No action=no change. Same, same.

"Action is eloquence."  ~William Shakespeare

In taking the first step toward change, we create momentum. And at this juncture, the first step can be quite small. In the example above, the first step might be committing to more professional networking or a casual chat with the boss about other opportunities within the company. Think small here. Then do something. (See quote above.)

So once you've completed that first small step, take a minute to check in with yourself. How'd it go?

Results: Now it's time to evaluate the quality of that momentum. How does the movement feel? Exciting? Daunting? Risky? Just observe your feelings as feedback. Does the result of your action feel warmer (closer) or colder (farther away) from what you desire? Do you feel energized from the step you've taken? Depleted? Scared? Remember, it's all feedback. And it's usually frightening to take steps you've never taken before. You can be afraid and still move forward. See what's on the other side of that discomfort. Most things aren't as momentous as we have concocted in our minds.

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we can consider change more of a playful exercise, how would we experience it differently? Would we be kinder to ourselves? To others?

Give it a go and let me know your results. And here's to more kindness, to and for everyone, in 2013.

I hope this note finds you well this holiday season. I've had a busy, transitional past few months and I wanted to take a few minutes to catch up with you.

If you're not one to get all misty eyed about pets, then go ahead and close this page and go about your day. I won't be offended; promise. But I do think our four-legged companions offer us much the in the way of lessons. I wanted to share just two here because I believe they're on point with the season and the time of year.

Bozeman was a part of our family for more than 12 years. He was a magnificent dog, full of his own quirks and comedies. More than anything else, however, he was kind to everyone. Kindness counts.

We said goodbye to him in early September, just as the leaves were beginning to change and the world began inching toward its fall slumber. I was ready, but I wasn't ready. This goodbye was forever.

And the world got quieter still.

I quickly realized it was a bit too quiet for my comfort; the silence felt heavy and oppressive. So despite warnings from a few people about getting another dog so soon, I felt drawn to look around. It wasn't very long before I located a 14-week old puppy whose eyes conveyed a kind of knowing I can't articulate here. He knew and I knew. There were more lessons to be learned and paths to be shared. Together.

And the silence gave way to a faint tempo.

Hobson waddled into our lives with healing kisses and a spunky but somehow old nature. With him, he brought a combination of playfulness (which for a six-month-old puppy often shows up as stealing shoes and bringing pine cones into the house) and innocence.

But there's something wise and curious in his eyes. Curiosity matters.

I'd like to invite you to examine where kindness might be missing in your life. Whether to yourself or to those around you. Where can you offer more of it? And what would that feel like to add more of it into your world?

I'd encourage you to tap into your curiosity too as a New Year approaches. What have you put off? Where would you like to visit that you've long-listed because of other obligations? What would you like to do?

Listen for the tempo growing in your life. It's out there, behind the silence.

Here's wishing you and your family and friends a warm and happy holiday season.  

"Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe.  We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made."  ~Roger Caras

I have always loved thought-provoking quotes. Read at the right time, they arrest our thinking in the most interesting ways. They can spur us toward a different way of considering our own life circumstances. Powerful quotes can feel as if they have come from our deepest selves.  

Here are just a few of my personal favorites for your consideration. Take a few minutes to reproduce the one(s) that really resonate with you place them where you will see them often.

Maybe the ones that jump out at you are actually calling you toward something vitally important in your own journey.   

"Turn your wounds into wisdom." ~ Oprah Winfrey

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect." ~Chief Seattle

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." ~e. e. cummings

"Finite to fail, but infinite to venture." ~Emily Dickinson

"Miracles do not, in fact, break the laws of nature." ~C.S. Lewis

"The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases." ~Carl Jung

"The trick of living is to slip on and off the planet with the least fuss you can muster. I'm not running for sainthood. I just happen to think that in life we need to be a little like the farmer, who puts back into the soil what he takes out." ~ Paul Newman

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it." ~Eckhart Tolle

"Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world." ~Wayne Dyer

"What you seek is seeking you." ~Rumi

"Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience." ~Paulo Coelho

"We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already. We have the power to imagine better." ~J.K. Rowling

Few of us make time to nail down what we really want in our lives. From professional desires to meeting the "right" partner to buying the house of your dreams, our logical minds are quite busy hashing over ideas, but those ideas are usually not very clearly defined.  

But here's what I've noticed lately: When people take the time to get clear--really clear--about what they want in their lives and then ask themselves why they want it, different mechanisms kick in to clear up the fog and help them on their way.

An example: Mary and her colleague, Sue, were both vying for the same promotion. They were, by all accounts, equally qualified for the opportunity at the next level at their firm.

Mary took a straightforward approach to the opening. She showed up for the interview, engaged in smart conversation with decision maker, and awaited the news from on high. She knew she wanted the position, but really didn't invest any time in a conscious consideration of why she wanted the job.

Sue interviewed just as well. But prior to the interview and to some extent afterward, she spent time pondering the simple question, "Why do I want this job? "

Her answers:

"I want this job because it will mean more money."

"I want this job because it's more challenging."

"I want this job because there's something about the description that just feels like something I'd be good at."

"I want this job because I am creative and I'm not currently not using my creativity."

"I want this job because it feels like me."

Can you see how her first answer was very pragmatic? (Income-focused) But as she kept asking herself why, her answers become increasingly about a feeling she couldn't describe but felt drawn to nonetheless. She trusted that feeling and went for it.

She happened to get the promotion and reports that she's very happy in the job. But even if it hadn't worked out that way, she successfully conducted her own due diligence about what she wanted, and why she wanted it. She would still have the same clarity about her professional desires with either outcome.

If there's something on your wish list--whether it's a more-fulfilling job, a new car, a just-for-you vacation, take a few minutes to really probe your psyche about it. These are two very simple questions really, but you'd be amazed at how much internal clarity they can offer.

What do I want? (Be specific)

Why do I want it? (How will I feel when I have it? Why is that feeling important?)

Once you have answered those two questions, you'll be very clear about what's really important in your soul.

And that, my friends, is the road we all want to travel down.

We're big filmgoers in our family. We talk about films--comedies, action films, documentaries--quite a bit. We talk about the ones we've seen and ones we can't wait to see.

I'm also one of those people that LOVES--absolutely adores--trailers for new films. While everyone else is popcorning and chatting and settling in for the feature, I'm glued to the teaser reels. It's all about "what's coming" that piques my interest. So. Many. Creative. People.

Which is likely why a different kind of film caught my attention recently. Danielle LaPorte (www.daniellelaporte.com ) author, speaker and soul Sherpa, recently mentioned "I'm Fine, Thanks" (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cranktank/im-fine-thanks) -a new documentary about complacency that she not only appears in but also chose to support financially.

Some quotes from the trailer that grabbed me on first, second and third viewing. And then I was in. ALL in:

"I did all the things that were expected of me, at the expense of my dreams."

"I'm so lucky right now, and I'm freakin' miserable."

"I'm 32 and it kinda feels like I should have that (insert earnest tears of frustration)...figured out..."

Wow.

And finally...

"It's only when you start making choices for yourself that you can live your own dreams..."

Right between the eyes.

The filmmakers' goals, in their words:

"Our goal is to ignite a movement of people who are tired of settling for mediocrity. We want to eliminate 'getting by,' 'doing fine,' 'could be worse,' and 'can't complain' from the vocabulary of our modern culture."

I'm supporting their effort to get this conversation started. These topics are precisely what I speak with my clients about every day. The more people dig into these themes, the more we all benefit.

Watch the trailer when you have a moment. If you find this message resonates with you, I hope you'll also choose to help. The deadline for them to make their $100,000 goal is Friday, June 22, at 11:59 p.m. Time is of the essence. 

Again, their words:

"Together, with your help, we believe we can challenge people to dig back up their childhood dreams... to tap back into their deepest passions... and to take action to make those values more of a priority in their life moving forward."

Yes.

Imagine getting in your car, putting the key in the ignition and starting out. Now imagine that rather than looking straight ahead, through the wide glass of the windshield, you instead glue your eyes to your rearview mirror. You slowly depress the accelerator and...

Yeah, not a good plan is it?

I want to tease this idea out a bit. It's an interesting metaphor about our daily thinking to this scenario and apply it to how you're engaging your life.

When your attention is fixated on what's behind you (your past), it's impossible to see what is ahead (the future).

As a dear friend of mine pointed out, echoing the words of her father, the rearview mirror is purposely small. The rearview is designed for a glance, not for a fixated stare. Conversely, the windshield offers a wide view of everything ahead.

I want you to consider this and think about how a habit of always staring, rather than glancing, behind, affects your daily thought patterns. Do you regularly, unmindfully, recount past scenarios that haven't turned out well? And what do you do with those recollections? Do you use them as valuable feedback or do you wield them against yourself?

Make no mistake-our past experiences do offer us something worthwhile if we categorize them as guideposts rather than irrefutable evidence of all the ways we we're not ready for success. When we use our mistakes against ourselves, we create a pattern of receiving more of the same. We fail to see what's right ahead of us, or just up the road. We become fearful, we recoil and we play small. Playing small=small results.

But when we utilize the vastness of a huge windshield, we begin to notice things. We see what's in front of us, both directly and up ahead. We automatically deepen and widen our perceptions. Wider perception=more possibilities.

The next time you get in your car, I want you to notice how much you actually see when you sit in the front seat. Notice what your peripheral vision is taking in and what's off to the side. Pick something directly in front of you and note how you can stare intently at it, but that you can also soften your vision to bring into clearer focus objects around it. It's not only an interesting exercise; it's also a relaxing skill that will bring your busy mind to the present moment.

Remember, your present experience is determined by you and your thinking. There's lots of good stuff ahead. Your task it to keep your windshield clean and your focus open so you don't miss an interesting side road with a breathtaking view.

Let's Go for a Drive

Imagine getting in your car, putting the key in the ignition and starting out. Now imagine that rather than looking straight ahead, through the wide glass of the windshield, you instead glue your eyes to your rearview mirror. You slowly depress the accelerator and...

Yeah, not a good plan is it?

I want to tease this idea out a bit. It's an interesting metaphor about our daily thinking to this scenario and apply it to how you're engaging your life.

When your attention is fixated on what's behind you (your past), it's impossible to see what is ahead (the future).

As a dear friend of mine pointed out, echoing the words of her father, the rearview mirror is purposely small. The rearview is designed for a glance, not for a fixated stare. Conversely, the windshield offers a wide view of everything ahead.

I want you to consider this and think about how a habit of always staring, rather than glancing, behind, affects your daily thought patterns. Do you regularly, unmindfully, recount past scenarios that haven't turned out well? And what do you do with those recollections? Do you use them as valuable feedback or do you wield them against yourself?

Make no mistake-our past experiences do offer us something worthwhile if we categorize them as guideposts rather than irrefutable evidence of all the ways we we're not ready for success. When we use our mistakes against ourselves, we create a pattern of receiving more of the same. We fail to see what's right ahead of us, or just up the road. We become fearful, we recoil and we play small. Playing small=small results.

But when we utilize the vastness of a huge windshield, we begin to notice things. We see what's in front of us, both directly and up ahead. We automatically deepen and widen our perceptions. Wider perception=more possibilities.

The next time you get in your car, I want you to notice how much you actually see when you sit in the front seat. Notice what your peripheral vision is taking in and what's off to the side. Pick something directly in front of you and note how you can stare intently at it, but that you can also soften your vision to bring into clearer focus objects around it. It's not only an interesting exercise; it's also a relaxing skill that will bring your busy mind to the present moment.

Remember, your present experience is determined by you and your thinking. There's lots of good stuff ahead. Your task it to keep your windshield clean and your focus open so you don't miss an interesting side road with a breathtaking view.